*disclaimer: this may get sappy and depressing. you've been warned.
I am tired and i am worn out.
I miss my friends. I miss my family.
I want to be taken care of (at least i'm honest).
Provo, Utah... i'm about to hit my 4 year mark. It has proved to be, by far, the hardest and most trying 4 years of my life. (and yes, i know, its only going to get harder) I think i've shed more tears in the past 4 years than the previous 18 years of my life combined.
Home is so good to me. I have a great family. I definintely took my parents for granted back in the day. Now that I am in the "real world" I realize how truly honorable and admirable of people my parents are...i mean, sometimes i think about it, and i'm just amazed. i'm a pathetic weakling comparatively.
Also, I have amazing friends i grew up with, aka- the skanks. and lucky to still be close with them. Sometimes I underestimate how important it is to have good friends, but its made all the difference!! (is it awkward that i'm starting to tear up???) I love them more than life itself. One time, I read all my facebook wall posts from the skanks--it took like 2 hours-yep, i was that bored--but it was probably like the best two hours of my life. i couldn't love them more.
I've had a good time here in provo, I really have--and I've met some amazing people. but still, it wears me out sometimes. No place had I experienced, that bombards you friendly reminders about how lonely you are.
There is a tangible anxiety in provo. Fortunately, either due to lack of caring or just growing up, i've come to terms that it is ok to sit at home on a friday night and do nothing...and its ok if people know that. haha, it sounds silly, but reality for some.
I found this quote:
"Homesickness is absolutely nothing...You don't really long for another county. You long for something in yourself that you don't have, or haven't been able to find."
i'm not gonna lie...it resonates.
Sometimes I just wish home wasn't a 20 hour drive away. Or that a plane ticket home wasn't $500.
*disclaimer 2: i think i'm gonna regret this post in the morning. i should start going to sleep before midnight
Being homesick is all part of the college life. It wasn't always apparent that I was homesick, but I did always enjoy EVERY trip home that I made, but it always made it that much harder to go back. I was lucky to have some family and friends at school with me, but it still wasn't the same. It did help my last year when I had a special someone, but he was in Oregon, not exactly ideal. I know it's hard being in the dating/marriage capital of the world, but just know that all those that got married at 18 wish they could have finished 4 years of school like you, really found out who they were, those things are hard to do once you gotten married. Hang in there chica, the sun will come out tomorrow.
ReplyDeletei want to go home now!
ReplyDeletei sit at home pretty much every weekend night. for example...on saturday night lindsey, jen and i laid in my bed and watched a lifetime original movie while complaining about the loud dance party downstairs. pretty much the greatest night of my life.
hahaha, oh paige. that is awesome
ReplyDeleteand thanks for the comment julie!
awwwwwwww. i love you and miss you and im SO SO SO happy you are coming freaking HOOOOOOOOOOOOOMEEE!!! who would have thought that anyone would ever miss arkansas?! haha but being in provo can make you miss almost anything.
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