I'm back

 It's been a MINUTE! I've been wanting to get back to blogging for so long, but it has almost been impossible to find time with everything I've been putting energy into the last few years. I used to write for others to see what I was up to, but now I'm really just interested in writing for myself and my family to look back on. 

So here is a brutally honest and update on life the last few years. I feel like like I've been on the struggle bus in so many areas of life the last few years. I love thinking back to high school when I had everything figured out. Those were the days. The older I get, the more complicated life gets, the harder life becomes and the less I know about anything. I was diagnosed with depression in 2009, after struggling with it on and off since 2005. Once I got on medicine I didn't struggle with it at all, but the last 3-4 years it's become a battle again even though I'm still I'm medicine. I recently started therapy and I am very hopeful to change some of self-destructive thoughts that have almost become default at this point. 

We moved to Florida August 1 2020. I was so sad to leave San Diego, but this move felt very right. As much as I loved San Diego, I was caught in a negative thought pattern with a some friends that I let affect me more than I want to admit. It was a trigger for some very dark days and sent my mind looping negative thoughts about my self worth. I hate that I let that happen, but at the time I couldn't see the forrest through the trees. Honestly it's something I'm still healing from!

Living here in Florida has been a bit of a challenge in its own way. I'll get into that later. The positives--LOVE the beaches here. There is no beach more beautiful in my opinion. Watching my kids blossom. Lucy has so many friends in the neighborhood and I love watching her be a kid running around and playing just like I did as a kid. Living on a different coast and exploring the areas around here. Starting High Fitness here and growing as an instructor. 

Duke is 4, currently obsessed with all thing hot wheels and dinosaurs. He has quite the attitude and can be a very bossy, angry toddler. He was a pretty easy baby for me, but ever since he turned 15 months he's been such a challenge for me. EXTREMELY clingy. And lets just say it- the reason there has not been baby number 3! 

Lucy is 7, she was the most challenge the first year of her life and gradually (and slowly) got easier each year after. I honestly still have PTSD from that first year. But she has become so pleasant and fun to be around. She loves all things girly-unicorns, rainbows, dolls, pink, purple, glitter-all the things. She is very loving and thoughtful. Always leaving sweet notes around the house for her dad and me. We just came back from Orlando and after watching her ipad for a while she read a book for a while then played some abcmouse and then said "i'm going to sleep for a bit". She was just so grown up about entertaining herself, i couldn't even believe it haha!

We have another year and half here in Florida and I am determined to make the most of it! I want to visit Key West, bring the kids to the everglades, visit some more cool natural springs, savannah, Nashville,  Gatlinburg, TN and mostly enjoy the amazing beaches.